I recently had an interesting discussion with a male client of mine regarding money and relationships. It comes into play on the first date and never seems to end. Who pays the bill on the first date? To eliminate this awkward part of the first date I ask my men to just do it. Don’t fight about it, don’t accept her offer to cover half, just pick up the tab. Why though? Why not have all my couples go dutch? I’ve been asking myself this question and many more since the conversation with my client started and the more I think about it the more questions it raises.

Why Do the Majority of Women Expect the Man to Pay and to Provide?

I think you could argue it’s due to biology – men are the hunter/gatherers and women the caregivers. You could also argue it’s the way we’ve been raised and it’s what we expect. This 2nd argument supports the fact that there are a lot of women out there raised to be independent and to take care of themselves, with no need for a male provider. But do they still want one?  On the flip side, why don’t more men expect the woman to pay and to provide?

Is There a Feeling of Self Worth and Power Involved When it Comes to Money Matters?

If a man provides and the woman doesn’t, does that make him more powerful, or vice versa? As a man, can you respect a woman who wants you to provide for her and take care of her? While a lot of my men want a woman who can take care of herself, they all believe it’s nice to feel wanted. Maybe money isn’t the problem, maybe the problem is making sure the other person, whether it’s the man or woman feels wanted, respected, and not taken advantage of. Whether she’s taking advantage of your checkbook or you are taking advantage of her care giving (do this, do that) it may be more a matter of respect than money.

Can a Woman be Too Independent?

I get comments from men all the time when they read a profile about a woman where the word “independent” is used.  The majority of my male clients don’t like the word Independent.  They want a woman who needs them.  That doesn’t mean she needs him financially.  Think of it from a man’s perspective ladies. If you can change your own tire, kill your own spiders, fix a leaking toilet, hang your own paintings, pleasure yourself sexually, earn your own money, then what do you need a man for? These are just some of the things a man thinks about when he hears the word “independent” associated with a woman.  But I don’t think it’s what the woman means.  What I hear from the ladies is they are trying to let the guy know they aren’t in it for the money, they don’t expect him to clean up their messes, and that it would be really nice if they didn’t have to kill spiders anymore.

What do you think? Sound off and maybe together we can figure it out!

 

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