Should You Send a Thank You Email?
Friday, May 1st, 2009Bill Husted, of the Denver Post, recently interviewed dating coach, author and Denverite Rachel Greenwald about her new book, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back.” During the interview he asked her this question – Should women send a thank you email after a date? Her answer, “Never. She’s chasing him, and if a guy likes you, he wants to do the chasing.” One of my matchmaking clients (a woman) recently asked me what I thought of her answer and did I agree. I don’t think it’s as easy as saying never.
Scenarios
Let’s look at a couple scenarios to better demonstrate when it’s chasing and not just being polite. Of course, the appropriate time to say thank you is when the date is ending. If you say thank you then, and you should always say thank you, then there is generally no reason to follow up with an additional thank you. If, however, you were too nervous thinking about that good night kiss and completely forgot to say “Thank you” then in my opinion it is OK to call or send an email the next day to say thank you. If during the date, or at the end, you and your date discuss going out again or calling each other, then there is no reason to call and say thank you the next day- you’re chasing.
Definitely Chasing
If, during the date, there was no discussion of a future date or a future phone call, but just a polite ending, a woman would definitely be chasing if she were to send a thank you email or phone call. She is trying to initiate more contact and chase! If there was a discussion of a future date or phone call and it’s been a week and she hasn’t heard anything, sending a thank you – definitely chasing.
Being Polite
The confusing territory comes up when it is later that evening or the next day. Many people have been raised to always send a thank you note. In this day of internet dating snail mail addresses aren’t always known, so those letter writers must resort to email. In this case, if you are one of those people and absolutely can’t resist sending a thank you, do so, but follow these simple rules. 1) Send it soon, not days later. 2) Make it brief with no mention of going out again or speaking again. 3) Consider it the last communication you will make to him – do not chase!
What Is Your Opinion?
I’d love to know what you think, especially the men out there. Guys, if you receive a thank you do you think she is chasing you? Is there ever a time when you think it’s ok? Ladies, do you send thank you’s? and if so why? Post your opinions here!
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Tags: Bill Husted, chasing, Dating, dating advice, dating in Denver, Denver Post, Denver singles, Matchmaking, pursuing a man, Rachel Greenwald, thank you emails, thank you notes, Why he didn't call you back
Hi, i had a 3-4 hours date, despite the fact that i knew there was no spark in the first 5 seconds. He didn’t lean closer or tried to touch me or asked personal questions about my job or family. He was polite, standed or seated next to me. I was polite as well, and didn’t know how to cut the date short. when we finally said goodbye, i said thank you, and he in return said- keep in touch! which was a clear no-no for second dates. I felt horrible to go through a bad date, so i initiated an email thank you in the same evening saying thank you, take care nd have a good summer.
i was not chasing, just being polite. dont think we’ll stay in touch or be friends. I’m sure! though, it would be nice to receive the same thank you email, as courtesy.