Should the Man Love her More?
Tuesday, February 19th, 2008I was recently having a discussion with a friend of mine, we’ll call her Linda, about love. Linda told me that her mom once advised her that in a relationship the man should love the woman more. Well it got me thinking, is this true? For a relationship to work does the man need to be more in love with the woman than she is with him?
Linda recently took the advice to heart and stayed with a man she knew she didn’t love the way he loved her. She stayed because she thinks this statement should be true. He loved her so much and so unconditionally, how could someone give that up? Well, the relationship didn’t work, but why? Was it because she didn’t love him enough and he loved her more? Well, as it turns out it was really because she didn’t respect him enough. She didn’t think he was strong enough as a man and complained too much about the difficulties of life. His love for her was the fabulous part, but not enough to make the relationship last.
In a relationship, if he loves her more, does that make him weak? or less of a man? And is this why Linda’s relationship didn’t work? This is a question I have an opinion on. I think even the strongest of men can have a super soft spot for a woman in their life that they love unconditionally. That Type-A personality can still be a softy when it comes to his woman. However, this type-A man needs to let his ego go at the door to his home, he has to be in touch with who he is and know that he loves and needs this woman in his life and she needs to love him back, unconditionally too.
Which brings me to my original question, should he love her more? If you have an opinion let me know, I’d love to hear it, especially from the men!
My dear Friend, well in my case Ive experienced both kinds.
Ive been in 2 relations.
In my first one Ive been the one loving her more say unconditional love or what ever. It did not work out.
the second is peculiar. I proposed and maintained the phase by loving her less but paying good attention to what she says.(India – America)
I think I played good this time….coz i had good friends in US to spend time with and allways busy with my project works and stuff.
things changed when I graduated and almost became alone.
now my thoughts rarely deviated from her. and i had no job but waiting for one. the same old unconditional love started again with out my knowledge.
but we are still managing…….anyway……and Im still learning this subject.
I recently got job. I made my self busy…….so less attention to her and now she changed from authoritative to apprehensive.
Dont ask the reason, but I think the above passage explains clean.
I loved it.
so My sugestion is in love or in any concept a man should act like a man.
less love is allways safe. ( but there should be enough sweet talk )
I think love needs to be mutually strong from both sides for any relationship to go the distance. If one doesn’t love the other as much, there is usually a reason, whether it is expressed or unexpressed, aware or not aware, it is still there, lying beneath the surface. One day it will seek to weaken the relatioship. Love has to be strong to endure through all the ups and downs.
Well said Darlene!
I would agree initially with Darlene but isnt love..just love and to say one doesnt love as much can be very subjective? I mean i realize that love seems to have many meaning to different people and the quality of love and quantity of love are way different things to everyone.
I think that one of the keys is to hold the others needs always out equal with your own and in some if not many cases ahead of your own because if this is mutual from both sides then it can be a very beautiful thing. I mean it only takes 1 person to end a relationship and that can always be an unknown variable 24/7….its not uncommon for 1 person to just decide to end things and the other person is devastated and cannot realize why it could happen..even though they were both aware of issues and problems in the realtionship it seems many times one side always seems to think that there is some hope while the other side just wants out….I am sure in many cases they had “love” initially in order to get that far but other things sometime weigh heavy on that bond and break it.
I speak from experience of course and while i believe in unconditional real love my friends call me idealistic and unrealistic and I can see their point but i refuse to become tainted by the “norm” of todays harsh tone of love in relationships that i see and hear many times around me.
Sure the economy stinks and you may lose your home or lost a job or are depressed but if you have a strong love and deep connection and respect then it can be weathered…but many people are too preoccupied with their own unhappiness that they just do not break that habit and look to the other for emotional strength and understanding.
My parents have been married for 60 yrs and when i look at them i see a couple in a different time period and sometimes 2 different people whom i wonder why are married but i also realize we all are 2 different people and have our quirks and issues but that strong thread that kept them together so long was likely a mix of the times and children(5) ..religion and upbringing..so i look at them compared to this day and age and wonder about the people now jumping around from person to person and setting such high standards and the fast food mentality of this age and impatience of this generation..I mean it can be scarey to meet someone and really like them and want to give them your love when they may just see it a sign of weakness and bail…
I think that a women that loves a man more is usually better because men arent usually as emotional or effectionate.
How do you know when someone loves you more? If you love someone, you love them because you choose to. Love always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Think of love in those aspects. If we start to worry about loving more, we begin to keep track of good and bad, eventually this could become a problem.
A relationship is what I like to call it a flower. If you do not water it it will not blossom. In a relationship there should not be any of who does more and or who does less. They should both do their part. Of course the man I believe should do more. By the man providing for his lady and respecting her as she deserves, he has shown that he loves her. Being macho is a good thing and the world does have alot of them. Most of them I dont think know when to express such machismo. Now being noble, that is another thing. Not many of those man out there. Men, love your lady as best as you know how.
Ive been in a 4 and a half year relationship where I (a man) was loved more than I loved (a woman). A great girlfriend, but we were both young. It was very easy to control emotions, as far as spending time together, commmon interests, showing her I cared; non were ever problems. A I said we were young…also she was a little ditzy and it grew on me. I guess one could say that my love was not strong enough to endure some of the little things that made her who she was.
I am now at the point of a 2 1/2 year relationship almost 4 years after the end of the relationship referenced prior. Don’t worry, I dated in between lol in case you’re comparing. I have never loved someone or anything as much as I love this girl. She satisfies every aspect one could imagine. Things are great except, I feel like either I’m starting to go crazy or things are changing, and not for the better. I have thoughts that race through my head and always make me question whether or not my girlfriend wants to be with me anymore. I end up attacking her verbally whenever i feel like she hasn’t done the things I’d expect her to have done if she loves me the way that she says. To make a long story short I feel like I love her more than she loves me, things bother me that don’t bother her in the same position. She is content with spending 2 sometimes one night a week together. With certain things I can understand but to me I’d give up just about anything to spend a night with her. When she tells me she loves me more than anything all the time I still have trouble believing her, maybe because i don’t feel like her actions depict that. For the first time in my life I truly felt like I had found someone who I can’t be without, but I don’t feel like she feels that same strong feeling.
Just go with what makes you the happiest. I find happiness in making the ones I love happy so It may be that it’s just the people we are and what makes everyone happy. Just because she not “always” thinking about you (or at least you feel that way) doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you the way you do. I’m still very confused and don’t know where to go in my relationship so just know that you’re not alone if you’re feeling this way, I think there can be some comfort in knowing that.
Actions speak louder then words..hands down. I am in the same situation now as you are and for me(a guy) its really frustrating. You get labled needs and weak if you show emotions and feelings many times. Fact is I love being around her and with her more then anything and i see her today the same as the first time i laid eyes on her…No lie..that alive..passion i had is still there and even stronger however it seems many women just cannot connect with their feelings and feel the passion or even open themselves to it. I always say that being in love with someone and loving someone are 2 different things…you can love a song..a food..a car…a dog…but you can only be inlove with a person….of course she doesnt see the difference and thinks its just word play but if you really think about it it is true. I also feel passion arrises from commitment and commitment engages the passion to thrive and grow and deepen….
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I am writing a book on how this day and age technology has affected community and dating and love relationships with the rise of ‘social networks and online dating and the ease of finding anyone or anything online…i could use peoples experiences and feedback to this anytime.. thanx