Do Opposites Really Attract?
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008Should you look for someone just like you?
I recently read an article (Denver Post 9/2/08) interviewing Keith Swain, a couples therapist, and some other relationship experts. The article focused on one theory of a good match. It’s a question I get all the time, "how do you match people?" Well, Keith suggests that you look for someone a little different from you. But there is a lot of disagreement on all sides.
Some excerpts
Keith has some key points to make. His theory is that some people are alpha, meaning they focus on careers, finances, success, and they are protective, strong and responsible while other people are beta, more nurturing and artsy, intuitive and emotionally adept soul seekers. The ideal relationship is an alpha and a beta. Two alphas will have epic fights; two betas will eventually get bored with each other. However, there is a lot of disagreement. Mira Kirshenbaum, also quoted in the article, thinks alpha/beta is a decent theory but that eventually the beta partner will get fed up with being second banana. The Bersani/Durkin couple are both alphas and it works just fine for them. Lisa Thomas believes that "love maps" may be the key.
What do you think?
When I look at making matches there are certain areas I don’t compromise on (at least not very often). These areas include religion, politics, child rearing, handling of money, and feelings about race/ethnicity. But what if he’s an avid cyclist and she’s a runner? Or he’s a skier and she hates the cold? It depends on how extreme they each are in their respective areas of interest, but in most cases these are fine differences to have. With Keith’s theory we start getting into personality and that’s where it gets tough. Have you been or are you in an alpha/beta relationship? Or an alpha/alpha? What do you think works? Do you have your own theory on what makes for a long lasting relationship?
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Tags: alpha, attraction, beta, chemistry, Dating, lasting relationships, long term relationships, Matchmaking, personility matching, relationship theories, relationships, theories of love, what makes a great match
I think that if you read the above article you will see any differences they list between beta and alpha are mostly materialistic in mature.The real key is what is beneath that outer layer..deep inside . I have seen many alpha females like puppys inside and vice vera. Functioning in the world is important so our outside persona is relavant but for relationships the teltale longevity marker will be how you know your mate inside and how strong that commection is regardless of outside personas.