Comments on: Are We Exclusive?

By: anonymous

anonymous — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:46:49 +0000

arrghhh i SOOOO agree with you, but its so difficult. I’m such a passionate person, dangit! LOL
But yes, i know i know, and Ive been told it by my dad several times, that the guy wants to chase…i even saw that movie “He’s just not that into you” and the author of the book says blatantly that men desire the chase.
I am the last person who wants to consider myself-too available, too clingy, demanding, or psycho…which I did succeed in quite brilliantly.
Damn, I’m a hot, independent , college grad, who lived in NZ for crying outloud, who is considering options of a MA in Belgium. I’m active, healthy, fun, caring, and have loads of charisma. What the heck, I will not succumb to be treated any differently than I wish to be treated, AND I will let things fall into place, instead of MAKING things fit.
Ok, that was my oath haha

By: anonymous

anonymous — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:39:46 +0000

haha i know all this, very good advice
and guess what, after I blogged up there, i was still so pissed that i got no response, that i sent him the meanest letter ever. it had stuff like “i wasted my f*** ing time” “rot in hell”
and more.
ummm yeah i was hurt in the past.

i totally thought it was over, but i guess we’re talking it out.
i never knew i had such unresolved stuff… but i told him it was just my insecurities. it was like a volcano exploded.

but im still confused because 98% of people say to “see where it stands”
but i agree with you saying since he was so available it probably was exclusive
besides, even if you have a boyfriend for like 100 years it could still end…nothing is set in stone
its all very strange to me, i think the answer is to just not care anymore

By: Imagine

Imagine — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 06:30:48 +0000

Dear Lord! That would be my response to Anonimous responder. Girl, you have commited a dating suicide, just because you couldn’t be patient plus you just had to have the “talk”, and for what? To “break the tension”! But, men love tension! Men need to be in suspense mode and wonder about you, it’s what makes relationship all the more intense and interesting. Also having lengthy 3x week discussions on the phone, and being physical so quickly didn’t help the matters. The key is to make yourself desirable to the man, and you are not desirable to him – if he sees you as this clingy unsecure person. Men are attractive to confident, independent women — it is him, not you, should wonder “Where we stand”, and it is him, not you, should be insanely jealous of other men and wondering/wanting exclusivity! By your example alone, you should see that you’ve ruined things with this guy by rushing…all just in a month of dating!!! If you don’t get new habits quick, this scenario will repeat for you, girl — over, and over again, until you learn. Patience, balance between relationships and YOUR life(what about taking some fun classes, or going out with friends?), and self-confidence! (Heck! He was SO available to you that he probably WAS exclusive with you! But by having this talk, and even “becoming angry”, you showed him how insecure you were…Never again!

By: anonymous

anonymous — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:08:14 +0000

hey,
im a female. been dating this guy for a little over a month. we talk on the phone about 3 times a week (good lengthy discussions) and get together about twice a week.
We get along really well and feel very comfortable physically and mentally.

He has said some things that look as though he is judging me as a partner…such as one day “I just worry how you spend money, but everything else is cool.” and he always would ask “why do you like hanging out with me so much?” Then today I asked if he likes hanging out with me, and he said “I love hanging out with you.”

But he says he has a hard time with feelings and has dumped girlfriends for just not caring enough about them.
Then in the car ride home he said something like “…but im learning how to care about people” then looked me in the eyes, and we held hands in awkward silence.

Later when I got home, I was in such a tizzy and I felt like I just needed to know where we stand.
We have not had sex yet, and he wanted to do it, but I just can’t do that unless I know for sure its a commitment.
So, I texted him a polite question, asking what he thinks about this relationship.
And NO ANSWER! I was pretty pissed so I wrote him a quick email late at night.

Getting to the opinion, I might have scared him off, but then its just not meant to be. I actually dont want to BE IN A RELATIONSHIP yet, and that is what I said…I want to take things slow! BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE PLAYED.

Anyways, I think its good to get out how you feel, and what you want. Do you want something meaningful that could turn into a relationship? If you do, you need to state that is what you ultimately want…or else you are just wasting your time and totally getting hurt because you are ignorantly hoping he wants the same, but too afraid to ask for fear he’ll bail.

I gave it a month and saw we have good times and a good connection, that should be enough for someone to at lease consider you for a potential relationship.

So having some sort of “talk” is really good.

Even with past relationships that flowed really easily, I found getting out what you desire helps to ease that unspoken tension.

And like I said, I dont want to rush into any labels, I just want to make sure a relationship is a possibility down the road.

I mean seriously, I have been friends with tons of guys that are the type to enjoy having lots of girls that are friends. Problem is, they are so charming, they lead all their girly friends on to believe there is some spark or potential…

And I have done the same thing to certain guys, I love hanging out, but dont want them ever as a bf, and I have caused hurt.

So just get it out there so you can move forward!