After each date, I ask my clients to follow up with me and let me know how the date went. I hear a lot of the same sort of feedback every time and pass along the same words of wisdom each time. I thought it would be worth sharing these thoughts on date feedback with everyone, so after your next date you will be able to make a decision as to whether or not you want to see your date again!
My date’s hairstyle/clothes/shoes/glasses were outdated or not stylish.
This comment is usually preceded by “I know this is going to sound shallow, but…” Yes, you do sound shallow. These are all issues that can be addressed and fixed. Maybe not right way, so you might have to suffer going out with your date a few more times with a less than trendy hairstyle, but hair, clothes, shoes, they can all be updated. A personality flaw, well that’s a bit harder to fix.
He/she was too short/too tall/too heavy/too skinny
We all have perfect bodies and we should expect the same from our mate, right? WRONG! OK, I know, you are thinking – I’m not attracted to someone who is over-weight. Fine, I get that, if you are fit and have a thinner physique you will probably connect better with someone similar because chances are they will be as active as you are. If you aren’t so active and fit, maybe a partner built like you will help you both get back to better bodies.
Now I’m going to pick on each sex equally. Ladies, I hear it all the time – “I need a man who is at least 6 ft. tall to make me feel ______.” Safe/small/secure/loved” – you fill in the blank. Isn’t it more important that your man treat you like a princess, have similar beliefs and values, be smart, handsome and able to carry on an intelligent conversation? Rather than focus on his height, look at all his other great qualities – and squeeze his bicep just for fun, chances are it will feel pretty good. And wouldn’t you rather have some nice strong arms giving you a hug than no arms at all?
Now for the men. “I’m just not attracted to a woman with ______.” Short hair/brown hair/big hips/small boobs – you fill in the blank. I understand that everyone has their preferences, but I’ll say the same thing I said to the ladies. Isn’t it more important that you are attracted to her, enjoy the time you spend with her, and she likes some of the same things you like? If you’ve never tried being with a woman that has a feature you don’t think you like, maybe you should give it a try, you might be surprised by the outcome.
My date talked too much/didn’t talk at all/grilled me/didn’t ask me any questions.
One of these things happens on most every date. Maybe it’s you who committed the fault, maybe it was your date. Either way, consider it a first date case of the nerves and give your date a second chance. If you see the same thing happen on the 2nd date, fine, at least you gave it a shot. If I had written off my husband the first time I met him because he didn’t pay for my french fries when we went out after the bar I wouldn’t be happily married 18 years.
Have you missed out on your perfect match because you didn’t give them a chance? You’ll never know, but in the future, make sure you don’t miss out. Have a thought on this topic? Post a reply, we’d love to hear what you have to say!