Why the discrepancy? It’s common knowledge that men are generally the more visual of the two sexes. They are more focused on looks and body type than what’s inside a person (that’s all just icing on the proverbial cake). Women on the other hand are a bit more forgiving.

As a matchmaker I interview both men and women. When I ask the women if it’s ok if the man has a little extra weight around the middle, 95% of the time the women say “no problem,” whereas only 5% of men feel the same way.

As linear thinkers men tend to go from 1) she obviously doesn’t care about how she looks to 2) therefore she must not care about me to 3) she doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore to 4) it must be over. Men tend to think who they are with says something about them and who they are.

Women on the other hand start trying to feed vegetables to our guy and cut back on the beer we keep in the fridge. We wouldn’t take his weight gain with any other hidden meaning. We write it off as work stress versus they don’t love us anymore.

Is there something to the way men think? Do women gain weight when they are unhappy? Is it too much of a stretch for a man to think she’s unhappy with the relationship? What about the women? Are we being naive to think our man is gaining weight merely because he’s stressed at work?

What do you think? Would you dump your significant other if they gained weight?

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Why Do the Majority of Women Expect the Man to Pay and to Provide?

I think you could argue it’s due to biology – men are the hunter/gatherers and women the caregivers. You could also argue it’s the way we’ve been raised and it’s what we expect. This 2nd argument supports the fact that there are a lot of women out there raised to be independent and to take care of themselves, with no need for a male provider. But do they still want one?  On the flip side, why don’t more men expect the woman to pay and to provide?

Is There a Feeling of Self Worth and Power Involved When it Comes to Money Matters?

If a man provides and the woman doesn’t, does that make him more powerful, or vice versa? As a man, can you respect a woman who wants you to provide for her and take care of her? While a lot of my men want a woman who can take care of herself, they all believe it’s nice to feel wanted. Maybe money isn’t the problem, maybe the problem is making sure the other person, whether it’s the man or woman feels wanted, respected, and not taken advantage of. Whether she’s taking advantage of your checkbook or you are taking advantage of her care giving (do this, do that) it may be more a matter of respect than money.

Can a Woman be Too Independent?

I get comments from men all the time when they read a profile about a woman where the word “independent” is used.  The majority of my male clients don’t like the word Independent.  They want a woman who needs them.  That doesn’t mean she needs him financially.  Think of it from a man’s perspective ladies. If you can change your own tire, kill your own spiders, fix a leaking toilet, hang your own paintings, pleasure yourself sexually, earn your own money, then what do you need a man for? These are just some of the things a man thinks about when he hears the word “independent” associated with a woman.  But I don’t think it’s what the woman means.  What I hear from the ladies is they are trying to let the guy know they aren’t in it for the money, they don’t expect him to clean up their messes, and that it would be really nice if they didn’t have to kill spiders anymore.

What do you think? Sound off and maybe together we can figure it out!

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My date’s hairstyle/clothes/shoes/glasses were outdated or not stylish.

This comment is usually preceded by “I know this is going to sound shallow, but…”  Yes, you do sound shallow.  These are all issues that can be addressed and fixed.   Maybe not right way, so you might have to suffer going out with your date a few more times with a less than trendy hairstyle, but hair, clothes, shoes, they can all be updated.  A personality flaw, well that’s a bit harder to fix.

He/she was too short/too tall/too heavy/too skinny

We all have perfect bodies and we should expect the same from our mate, right?  WRONG!  OK, I know, you are thinking – I’m not attracted to someone who is over-weight.  Fine, I get that, if you are fit and have a thinner physique you will probably connect better with someone similar because chances are they will be as active as you are.  If you aren’t so active and fit, maybe a partner built like you will help you both get back to better bodies.

Now I’m going to pick on each sex equally.  Ladies, I hear it all the time – “I need a man who is at least 6 ft. tall to make me feel ______.” Safe/small/secure/loved” – you fill in the blank.  Isn’t it more important that your man treat you like a princess, have similar beliefs and values, be smart, handsome and able to carry on an intelligent conversation?  Rather than focus on his height, look at all his other great qualities – and squeeze his bicep just for fun, chances are it will feel pretty good.  And wouldn’t you rather have some nice strong arms giving you a hug than no arms at all?

Now for the men.  “I’m just not attracted to a woman with ______.”  Short hair/brown hair/big hips/small boobs – you fill in the blank.  I understand that everyone has their preferences, but I’ll say the same thing I said to the ladies.  Isn’t it more important that you are attracted to her, enjoy the time you spend with her, and she likes some of the same things you like?  If you’ve never tried being with a woman that has a feature you don’t think you like, maybe you should give it a try, you might be surprised by the outcome.

My date talked too much/didn’t talk at all/grilled me/didn’t ask me any questions.

One of these things happens on most every date.  Maybe it’s you who committed the fault, maybe it was your date.  Either way, consider it a first date case of the nerves and give your date a second chance.  If you see the same thing happen on the 2nd date, fine, at least you gave it a shot.  If I had written off my husband the first time I met him because he didn’t pay for my french fries when we went out after the bar I wouldn’t be happily married 18 years.

Have you missed out on your perfect match because you didn’t give them a chance?  You’ll never know, but in the future, make sure you don’t miss out.  Have a thought on this topic? Post a reply, we’d love to hear what you have to say!

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New Year’s Resolutions, every year people set them and when the weather starts to get warm they are all but forgotten.  And year after year I receive phone calls from people in January who are looking for love.  Don’t get me wrong, this is great, we love it when our phone rings!  But when I ask them what made them decide to pick up the phone and call they say – “I set a goal to meet my match this year.”  Wow!  That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself!

Baby Steps

I’m the first to agree that calling Ignite Matchmaking is a good first step, but it’s just one small step in the right direction.  I was recently accused of jumping from Point A to Point Z and not considering all the little steps in the middle that I needed to get there.  Well that’s what you are doing when you go from Point A: I’m single to Point Z: I’m going to find my match this year.  You need to consider all the steps in the middle that will get you from A to Z.

Here are some suggestions to fill in the points between A and Z:

1. Obviously call an expert like us!
2. Make time in your calendar to date – REALLY.  Set aside at least 2 evenings a week to either go on a date or do something that helps with #3 below.
3. Expand your network of friends and acquaintances. Do this by going to an event you’ve never been to before, signing up for a class you’ve always wanted to take, or asking that shy co-worker at the office if they want to go grab a drink after work.  You never know who you will meet that will introduce you to your match!
4. Break out of your old routines. Sure, routines make us comfortable and they are easy to remember, but is it helping you to reach your goal?  Do you go to work, then the gym, then home to eat, maybe talk to a friend or watch a little TV, and then hit the sack?  If that’s not working for you, change it up! If you’ve been going to the same gym for 3 years and have never met a potential date, don’t stop going to the gym, just try another gym!  Do you love your dance class every Tuesday and Thursday?  I’m sure it’s fun, but if you haven’t met someone there yet try a new studio or take a break and try something else.  Mix it up people!

Make a Plan

Start the year off right and make a plan to reach your goal.  Pick a few baby steps that you are going to take to help you meet your match and by all means don’t let the warm weather get you off track!

Do you have some great “Baby Step” ideas? If so, we’d love you to post them here for everyone to see.

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What’s the Difference?

According to my web searching – nerds, geeks and dorks are all different.  A nerd is generally considered to be someone who is bookish and has above average intelligence.  They generally don’t care much about their appearance and are sometimes focused on one particular hobby or activity such as gaming or comic books.  A geek is a lot like a nerd with a bit more style.   They have above average intelligence and tend to focus on technology.  They  do very well in school and as Urban Dictionary puts it, “they are the people we make fun of in school who we end up working for as adults.” A dork is generally an insult and most definitions state they are not smart, think they are cool, and are generally known for their quirky behavior.  All may have some social awkwardness.

Who to Date – a Nerd, Geek or Dork?

It hasn’t always been easy for the nerds and geeks of the world to get a date.  A lot of women take one look at the exterior and don’t bother to look further. But let me tell you, they sure know how to treat a woman. Generally inquisitive in nature, with the ability to remember details and willing to try just about anything to make their partner happy, well you couldn’t ask for better qualities! Able to talk about most any topic, cute romantic gestures, kind, and sweet you can’t beat dating a geek.  The exterior? Take them shopping, help them out, they’re smart, they’ll learn!  Socially awkward? Again, as long as you connect, this too can be overcome, remember, they’re smart!  They can learn!

Sound off.

Are you a nerd? geek? dork?  What’s been your dating experience? What are your struggles? Like to date nerds? Why? What has your experience been?  We want to hear your opinion!

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The Argument for the Man Falling Faster.

My husband’s argument is that women do not typically sleep around or take having sex with someone lightly.  Therefore, a guy knows that if he has sex with a woman, she must really like him already and it is now safe for him to fall head over heels for her.  He points out that my argument fails (see below) because there are in fact some women who sleep around and they don’t fall for the men at all.

The Argument for the Woman Falling Faster.

My argument is that women fall faster because after they have sex with a man something “chemically”  happens and they feel very attached to that man.  Having sex changes something for women. There is a whole body of research by Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, showing how the chemicals in a woman’s body actually cause her to be more attracted to a man she sleeps with, especially if she has an orgasm.  These chemicals may even cause her to fall in love with the man.

Who Falls Faster?

It seems we have my biological argument and a more intellectual argument by my husband.  So the question is, who is right?  Are we both right?  What has been your experience?  Do women or men fall faster? Post your thoughts, we’d love to hear them!

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When I meet with a client I typically discuss with them the looks of the person they are seeking.  What are they attracted to?  Do they have a particular type?  I like to get an idea of what they will find attractive.  However, I am constantly amazed by people’s vision of their match in comparison to their vision of themselves.

Take a Look Around.

The next time you go out, look at the couples you see.  I mean really look at them!  How do they compare to each other?  In my experience, most couples are comprised of 2 people with a similar level of looks. Meaning on a scale of 1-10 both people are typically within a couple numbers of each other. He might be a 5 and she’s a 6 or 7 or maybe he’s an 8 and she’s a 6 or 7.  Rarely do you see a guy or a gal who is a 9 or 10 with someone who is a 2 or 3.

What’s Your Number?

This is really a loaded question isn’t it? None of us want to be considered too full of ourselves or conceited, nor do many people want to admit that they are not attractive.  What number do you want to date? Most importantly, are you being realistic?  Sound off, let us know what you think!

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A few weeks ago I was talking with a new client and she was telling me about the last guy she had dated.  She said they got along great, had fun together but she never talked to him between dates because all he would do was text her.

“Really, he never called you?”

“Nope, he did everything by text, even asking me out on dates.  I’d leave him a voicemail, he’d text me in reply.  I’d text him to call me, he’d text me back asking what was up.”

TEXTATIONSHIPS.

On one of their last dates as they were talking he said something to the effect of “I guess were not that far in our Textationship.”  TEXTATIONSHIP?? So now there is a term for couples who do nothing but text each other?  She was stunned!  Urbandictionary.com defines Textationship as - a relationship based solely on texting. No phone conversations ever take place other than brief one sentence statements such as “I’m here, open the gate.”

What’s Next?

It’s such a connected world these days, with email, voice mail, texting, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. we are becoming more and more disconnected from each other and this doesn’t help in the world of relationships.  You can’t truly get to know someone via text messaging and I certainly don’t believe you can fall in love with someone simply by spending your days texting.  What’s next, Twitterationships, where we communicate impersonally in 140 characters or less?

Sound Off.

What do you think?  Have you been in a textationship?  Do you know of one that has worked?  Do you think you can build a real, heartfelt relationship via texting?  Let us know your thoughts on the matter, we’d love to know!

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Why Doesn’t She Want to See Him Again?

He feels that women over 55 want to have that love at first site feeling again.  That experience of being swept off their feet, taken out, entertained, but they don’t really want a relationship.  Therefore, if they don’t get that flutter in their stomach from him, they have no interest in pursuing a relationship.

The Common Denominator

What might be apparent to everyone reading this is the other common denominator in this equation, him.  I tried to steer the conversation in this direction, attempting to get at what could potentially be standing in his way – himself.  What might he be doing or not doing on these dates that could be causing these women not to want to see him again?

Ego or Accurate?

He insists it’s the women, so I brought it up with some of my other clients in his age group.  Some of the men agreed whole heartedly, saying that women over 55 are too set in their ways, they’ve forgotten how to appreciate a man, they don’t say thank you, and they take the men for granted.  However, several of my clients also disagreed and said that while it never feels good to be rejected, you need to put your ego aside and figure out what you might be doing that is keeping you from getting a second or even third date.

What do you think? I’d love to hear from the ladies 55+, do you truly want a relationship? or just a companion to take you to dinner on occasion? Do you prefer to spend your quality time with friends and family?  Sound out and let us know your thoughts!

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The Dinner Date

By far though the most common date is the dinner date or lunch date.  These are a little more difficult to figure out what to wear.  Denver is a casual town and you’ll see jeans everywhere you go (including the theater and opera).  This makes being single and dating in Denver even more difficult.  Should you dress for the town or dress for the occasion? My advice is to dress to impress, but don’t go overboard.

The Guy

Guys, you can’t go wrong with a pair of dress pants and a shirt with a collar on it. Whether it’s a polo/golf type shirt or a button down you’ve got it easy.  Even a t-shirt with a blazer is acceptable as well. You should expect your date to be more dressed up than you are, but you at least need to be in the same ballpark as she is.  Make sure your shoes are polished, your nails are clean and trimmed, and don’t wear cologne.

The Gal

Ladies, I always advise you never to wear jeans on a first dinner date.  There are so many issues with jeans – are they too tight, to short, too faded, to ratty, etc. Just avoid them.  You might think tight jeans look great on you, but I hear from the guys all the time “Her jeans were too tight.” Instead consider wearing a skirt, Capri’s, a cute dress, something besides jeans.  Make sure you don’t show too much cleavage, your shoes are comfortable enough if you decide to go for a walk after dinner, and don’t wear perfume.

Bottom line

It’s a first date, make a good impression!  Agree? Disagree?  Have some other suggestions, let us know!

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